“Don’t feel sorry for me”


For parents of children with special needs, or medically complex children you always hear the whispers of “that poor child” or the looks of pity from people. Even the child’s family and siblings say they feel sorry for them, however I don’t feel sorry for them. Alfie came to me the other day and said he felt sorry for River and I asked him why and he said “because he is poorly and can’t do some things other children can do” – my response to him was… “I don’t feel sorry for River – do you no why? Because River is the happiest little boy, he does not know another life, his life has always been this way and he knows no different. He is lucky to have such amazing big brothers to look after him. He smiles everyday – that is not someone you should feel sorry for it’s someone you should admire”.

Alfie also thought River would die young, this was a really hard conversation to have with my eight year old about his little brother, however it was important to have as Alfie is a sensitive little boy and it was obviously in his mind I hope I put his mind at rest though as he won’t be losing River for an extremely long time.

Don’t get me wrong I feel bad that River and all these other children out there have to go through things that they really should not have to,  however they don’t want your pity, they want your support, your care and your admiration.

People with learning difficulties don’t know they have learning difficulties they just know that life, that life is sometimes harder. that life is also sometimes magical and it’s the same as your life – it has it’s ups and downs.

When people see River I want them to see River for who he is I want you to see past a feeding tube and a walking frame and the fact he can’t express himself or understand as much as other children his age and just look at that little face – how could you feel sorry for that little smile, he is the happiest toddler around…you may feel envy at his long eyelashes though…. I know I do.


Tori xxx



20 thoughts on ““Don’t feel sorry for me”

  1. This field was intentionally left blank says:

    Awww, I love your response about not feeling sorry for River, and your graspable, beautiful reasons why. What a magical teaching moment! 🙂

    The Silent Wave Blog writer ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alice Soule says:

    Totally agree. My son has severe learning disabilities and when I tell people, they often say “ahh that’s sad.” And, yes it is because his life could be so cool and I know people don’t mean to sound pitying. He’s a happy boy and the people closest to us know that and know his personality and that’s all that really matters to us 🙂 #SundayBest

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Gym Bunny Mummy says:

    My little boy has Autism and goes to a Special Needs school and we get the pity too. It’s such a shame he can’t go to a normal school, or saying sorry when I tell them about his Autism. Yes things are hard for him & our family but he’s a little super star. We don’t need people to feel sorry for us, just to understand his differences #SundayBest

    Liked by 1 person

  4. tammymum says:

    Oh he is gorgeous! I totally get this my brother was born severely disabled and grew up with considerably disabilities. I know the looks you are talking about and on a personal note people would say to me that it must hard having a disabled brother. I would always says I know no different – I didn’t and I didn’t feel as though i needed or wanted sympathy and I certainly wouldn’t want it for my brother. He was happy and was loved and looked after just like he rest of us. Thank you for joining us at #familyfun xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. twotinyhands says:

    He’s adorable! So happy, your completely right to teach your sons this way. I’ll do the same with mine as he gets older! Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Mandy Charlton says:

    such a great post and you know, I have a son with autism, he’s perfect at 20 now, just the way he is, I never see disabilities because I believe in life that the only things that should define who you are, are your actions #tuesdaytreasures

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ohmummymia says:

    He is such a cute and happy boy! All babies are perfect for us Moms:) I dont feel sorry for you because you are lucky that you have such an beautiful boys

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Mummy Times Two says:

    What a precious little boy. I total agree. I don’t think any of us want to be pitied. We just want the support to be the best us we can be, and our children are no different. This was a brace post to write and I’m sure it will open lots of people’s eyes and make them view things a little differently. Thank you so much for sharing it with us at #PostsFromTheHeart

    Liked by 1 person

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