1 – You will always be tired…I don’t just mean tired-I mean absolutely exhausted. I literally cannot remember the last time I was not tired, however the children never tire!! When people say enjoy your sleep, I beg of you quit your job, cancel any plans and just sleep.
2 – Mess…before I had children I was not the tidiest person there is, however I have never experienced what children can do the actual mess that they can create is something I was not prepared for, thus I spend my life cleaning up after them.
3 – I’m sure this is for all children, however I find my boys especially the seven year old just say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times, I spend my life in full on cringe mode trying to avoid any form of eye contact!
4 – Willies, bums and poo are the main source of humour for the boys they crack up (excuse the pun) at any talk of these things.
5 – I find myself answering the most obscure questions known to man…I sometimes think to myself just how have you even thought of that question? When I do try and answer it-I get shouted at for not saying what they wanted to hear “ it made no bloody sense in the first place child!!” prime example the three year old ” mummy how long has ‘Riber’ been a baby”…”19 months Harry”…” no it’s 64 months”-what?!!
6 – You spend your life worrying about everything and live every emotion your child feels with them.
7 – Boys are worse than girls…well mine are anyway the melt downs we have over outfits is ridiculous and the bitch fight I have had with the boys regarding comfy bloody trousers well I’ll tell you!! – “You can’t wear them to a school disco!!”.
8 – You become a master of zoning out!
9 – Children shit themselves! Not just babies but actual children-last week my seven year old shit himself laughing! I was not prepared for this or warned!!
10 – You will never feel love like it and want to protect something so much, its nothing that can be explained it’s just something that happens when you become a parent.
11 – Your life is never the same again…yes you’re tired, yes you’re house is a mess, yes you’re always red from embarrassment after embarrassment. But wouldn’t I change it… not a chance!